Bittersweet

I never imagined I'd be getting married like this.  But then again, what girl does?

Nothing about today is how I imagined it!!!!

I never imagined I'd be marrying a guy like Brandon.  Not to say that he isn't "the one" but I always pictured someone different.  If circumstances didn't happen the way they did, we might not have gotten married for at least another year, maybe more!  I wanted to get married in the fall.  Maybe the middle of October wedding.  In fact, the only thing about this wedding that is happening the way I imagined it is the colors!  Dark purple and chocolate brown.

I've gotten a lot of "you're dad will be there in spirit looking down on you"...kinda stuff.  (And I know there is probably more of that to come).  And I know people feel like they have to say something.  I was once on the other side too.  But a good friend of mine who unfortunately is dealing with a similar thing, once said that he knows how difficult times like these can be and knows that sometimes words aren't the right thing to say.

It's no secret.  I wish my daddie was here today.  I wish he was here yesterday when I was freaking out.  He always knew how to fix things.  He knew where my buttons were and how to steer clear.  Out of my parents, my dad was the one who knew how to handle me the best.  It's already a tough day just waking up and knowing he isn't here.  And to get married exactly a month since he died doesn't help.  Or does it?  Maybe this marriage will be the glue for my heart.  Granted it won't be like it once was: completely whole.  Nothing is never the same if you have to glue it back together.  But we can try.