6 months.

It is incredibly hard to wrap my mind around my dad being gone 6 months today.

It feels like it just happened yesterday.

Then again, it feels like he has been gone a lot longer than 6 months.

I feel life going back to normal.  That isn't to say I don't weep anymore or that I'm out of this blanket of depression.  (Dayze (my daughter aka miniature pinscher) can account for the weeping).  But a part of me feels like he has always been gone.  This part, I hate more than anything.  It's so hard to explain.  I still remember everything about him; his voice, his freckly arms and his baby blue eyes.  When he would laugh and make that Fetrow noise of disgust with his mouth.  But I feel like he has never been here, like it's my imagination that my dad existed.  

It cry almost every time during worship at church.  I can hear my dad singing.  I can picture when he would lift his arms and move his head.  He was a music teacher for years and that old motion of directing music would kick in when he would sing.  He had such a beautiful voice.  And all I want in the world is for him to be standing next to me singing.

My husband Brandon was been dealing with a severely infected tooth the past 5 days.  We hardly get anytime together because I usually work 1st shift and he works 2nd's.  But since he has been in so much pain and sick, he and I both have stayed home from work and I skipped a class.  So we watched a lot of movies since he couldn't do anything else.  Brandon suggested watching the Harry Potter series.  Normally I wouldn't mind but being the 6 month anniversary of dad being gone, it made me emotional.  Dad, Brandon, and I watched all the Harry Potters together.  We would go see them in the theaters.  Dad would buy the tickets and Brandon and I would by the popcorn and soda. In the months before he died we watched them all again from the beginning along with Pirates of the Caribbean.  He loved action movies like Oceans 11-13, The Bourne Trilogy, Lord of the Rings.  One of the last movie we watched together was Where Eagles Dare.  It is a movie that we watched probably 5 dozen time when we lived overseas.  I can still remember my brother and his friends watching it for his birthday.  I bought Where Eagles Dare for my dad for Christmas.  He was so thrilled. 

Everything reminds me of him.  Everything reminds me he isn't here anymore.

I miss him with everything I am.  I am engulfed in so much anger that I was robbed of him.

Dad with his granddaughter, Dayze